Stay Tuned

I am studying and listening a lot so that I can make some really important financial changes in 2012. As part of my plan, I intend to blog about my progress and my discoveries, especially when I find ideas that are not being covered elsewhere.

Of particular interest to me is the zone where the financial and the psychological meet. In my view, there exists a big, underdeveloped gap between those of us who are wrecks when it comes to managing money and those who read the Wall Street Journal for fun.

If you would like to explore the possibility of moving from your financial childhood to a more adult way of being with money, stick with me.

Ten Tips for the Holidays

1. Make your presence more valuable than your presents.
   
2. Passing on your values is more important than passing on valuable things.
   
3. Bake more than you take.
   
4. May you share all of the gifts of your heart and less of the cash in your wallet.
   
5. Make a note on your 2012 calendar to start a holiday savings plan beginning in January.
   
6. Forgive an old hurt and allow love to fill the space where resentment has grown. Call that person!
   
7. Help someone at home or work do their chore or job without expecting anything in return.
   
8. Broaden your knowledge and tolerance by searching online for the story behind a holiday that's not yours.
   
9. Read aloud with your beloved a story, some poetry or quotes pertaining to the holiday season.
   
10. When you tip someone, write a note or tell them why they are important to you.

Dad's First Shopping Lesson

My 17 year old daughter recently took my advice on the subject of finding deals in a clothing store. I said, "When you come into the store look for the sale signs. And if you can find something you like in that area, get it and go. " My daughter doesn't listen to me about much, but I have made her a bargain hunter.

Of course, most of the items on a sales rack are there because they are ugly. When I was 17, I spent many an afternoon browsing record albums in the discount bin. You have to look at lots and lots of junk before finding the diamond in the rough. But I always hoped that the next rack might contain a looked over deal. And every now and then, I struck gold.

Hunting for bargains is a mindset. It prevents you from paying full price for ANYTHING. Try it and you'll see: it's like a treasure hunt.

A Money Joke

Woman: Can you please take me someplace expensive tonight?
Man: How about a gas station?

Needs and Wants

We wrote a song with 1st graders this week. As a group we defined needs as healthy food, clothing, a place to live, clean water, love and learning. Everything else is a want.

Do you agree?

3 Goals For Today

Today begins a four-week period of regular traveling to perform shows and facilitate workshops. Financially, it's a time when we make good money, so I'm determined to save as much of it as we can. Here's some goals for today:

1. Make lunch and pack a snack for after our show
   
2. Talk with Beth on the car ride about ways to conserve this month
   
3. Transfer last week's expenses from my phone to our bank accounts

Me, My Marriage and Money

Most of us are in conflict with ourselves and with our partners about money. The typical person is either a spender or a saver and there's usually one of each in a marriage. I'll go one step further and suggest that every person has both natures warring inside of him or herself, vying for dominance. At the end of this article, I'll suggest an answer that has started working for me – a truly messed up person, financially speaking!

Let's look at the conflict inside of us first. The more mature side of us (let's call him or her the Parent) recognizes the importance of learning about money and applying these lessons. The Parent got you to read this article and me to write it. She is serious about steering us clear of financial ruin and finding a clear path towards financial well-being. The Parent thrives on growth and stability. The Parent is the saver.

The other side of us is – you guessed it - The Child. This part of us craves freedom and no rules about money. She spends to make herself and/or others happy. When she thinks at all, she argues with The Parent that life is short and we ought to enjoy our money just in case it all ends tomorrow. The Child is the spender.

Most of us have a more dominant side that reveals itself in everything we do with money. This is especially true in a marriage or even a business partnership (I have both with Beth). In my home and business, my wife plays the role of The Parent and I play the role of The Child. Not surprisingly, we have selected to play these same roles in our stage shows for children! Life imitates art and the reverse is also true.

Now here's the kicker: I feel fortunate to have married someone who is different than me. Beth balances me in so many ways, including financially. Of course, this Yin-Yang duality comes with a price tag – friction. Many a great marriage flounders because of this friction and mine has certainly had its share of squalls. I think it's fair to say that they have been intensified by neither Beth nor I possessing the willingness to give in to the other at times. More recently, though, we're learning to do just that.

In our life, we have been aware of this challenge for years. Due to the economy and our aging, we are working much harder to understand and bridge the gap between us. As the months and years go by, I've become less likely to spend frivolously and she has learned to free herself from hoarding what we make. It's a long process, but we are changing for the better.

Are you in a relationship that has you pointing your finger at your spouse believing that he or she must do all of the changing? If so, I suggest that you look in the mirror. Ask yourself, "What can I do to bring truth and compassion to this issue?" If you're like most of us, you can do better. Even if you're "right", you will lose if you stand there with your arms folded and refuse to be understanding. Change is hard and these financial patterns are a bitch to break.

The only answer is love: loving ourselves first and then loving our partner. We must understand that our financial flaws are here to teach us and that our partners can help us to see ourselves honestly. How does this look to a spender like me? I keep track of my expenses, I get involved with the budgeting and I try like hell to stop myself from spending. And I stop judging myself and my partner long enough to say, "what can WE do today to make ourselves better off financially?" It's a start.

 

 

10 Ways to Live Below Your Means

1. Identify and cut those expenses that are “leaky holes”, things like magazine or movie subscriptions or even the health club if you don’t use it.

2. Don’t dine or snack out. Bag your lunch and if you must snack, pack drinks and munchies in your bag or car.

3. Avoid large impulse purchases. Anything that costs over $100 should be put off for 1-2 weeks to determine if you REALLY need it.

4. Don’t upgrade anything electronic to the latest and greatest unless it’s necessary.

5. Spend less on gifts at the stores and more time making cards, writing poems or songs and expressing your feelings without spending money on your loved ones.

6. When you go to the grocery store or any store for that matter, buy what’s on your list and then LEAVE.

7. Use the library instead of buying books online or for your e-reader. Trade books with friends and family, too!

8. Buy used stuff, especially cars.

9. Drive less. Consolidate your trips. Drive slower to save gas. Better yet, take a bike, a walk or just stay put.

10. Get re-interested in learning, in enjoying what you already have and your family. Play games, be creative, keep up with friends, write in your journal. The more time we spend not spending is money saved and a life well-lived.